my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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