Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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