Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
