That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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