how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
