My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
