I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
