that's an acceptable place to lick
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
