Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
