I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
