Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
