He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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