I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
