nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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