I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize