I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need a beard to bite.
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