Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
