Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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