In the future we'll all be gay
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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