i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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