just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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