We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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