Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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