I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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