He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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