problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
