the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
