My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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