im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
tell me about the fingering
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