nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
