she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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