I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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