stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
