i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
