I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
