So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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