Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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