Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
