i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
