I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
