He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize