I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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