Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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