I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
