Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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