What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
