Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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