I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
