she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
