I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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