Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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