I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
