**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
