She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
