New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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