i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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