I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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