Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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