Nicole vs. Life
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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