You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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