So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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