I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
