Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
