Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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