he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
