smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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