I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
