I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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