something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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