do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
