dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
