Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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