oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
