You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
